“Grace House gave me the tools and knowledge I needed”

Growing up I was always a very compliant child. I was afraid of getting in trouble and always did what I was told. I did well in school, had friends, and excelled in sports. However, I also lived with secrets. When I was 11, I started stealing my parents’ liquor. When I was 14, my older brother, Brooks, came into my room one night and asked if I wanted to try cocaine. I did.

After that first line, my whole world changed. For the first time everything felt… better. Cocaine, ecstasy, pain pills, and alcohol became normal necessities throughout high school. When I was 18, I moved away for college. I fell into a depression and developed an eating disorder. I coped with Adderall and OxyContin. When I was 20, I moved to NYC to pursue modeling and acting. At 21, I moved to LA and stayed there for the next 6 years. I would doctor shop for Adderall and Xanax, drink, and smoke weed. At 26, I fell off my parents’ insurance and couldn’t afford Adderall, so I turned to methamphetamines.

At that time in my life, an incident occurred that I could not process, could not cope with, and I felt my world close in on me. I found needles and began IV-ing all day, every day. I had finally lost all control of my drug and alcohol use. I was a ghost of the girl I once was and I prayed for death. For me, to die was the only solution I could fathom to escape the hell I was living in.

One night, in a meth-induced psychosis, I called nine LAPD officers to my apartment. My landlord called my mom and suddenly my secret was out. My mom asked my brother, Brooks (who had by then checked himself into Bridge House and had 3 years of sobriety), to give me a call. He did, I answered, and for some reason, I listened. He suggested I leave LA and check myself into Grace House. I had no money, no home, and in a moment of clarity I saw this as my way out.

My brother was a huge influence on my own recovery. I saw what Bridge House did for him, and I saw that he had everything I wanted: a life worth living.

I checked into Grace House on December 2nd, 2016. For me, Grace House was vital to my recovery; I needed a safe place to disconnect from the rest of the world. At Grace House, I was given structure, consequences, and opportunities to start holding myself accountable. I worked, got dirty, did chores, and found humility. When I got to Grace House, I was disgusted with myself. I lived in fear and shame. Grace House loved me until I learned to love myself. Grace House gave me the tools and knowledge I needed to sustain a life in long-term recovery. I am forever grateful for the 8 months that Grace House was my home.

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