Today I have confidence and self-esteem

My name is Casie and I am thirty years old.  I am a manager at work, a student, and the proud mother of two little boys.  I am also an addict.  As far back as five years old, I struggled with anxiety and depression which caused a constant feeling of inadequacy.  I felt judged by everyone, so I kept quiet.  I just wanted to be normal so I pretended to be fine and always had a smile on my face.

I started drinking at twelve and was using drugs by fourteen.  By sixteen, I discovered that the pills in our medicine cabinet, the same pills that destroyed my parents’ marriage, took all my pain away.  My fears were finally gone.  I felt normal and had no intention of stopping.

By the age of twenty, I was using needles.  My relationship with my family was strained.  I had become a liar, thief, and a cheater.  The drugs completely consumed my life.  Every time I turned around, I woke up in jail with very little recollection of how I got there. The consequences were heartbreaking and scary. I never imagined my life would turn out this way.  I never wanted to hurt my family, but I couldn’t handle life without drugs.  Once the drugs wore off, those things I wanted so much like love, family, and friends seemed impossible.  I got married, divorced, had two children, and still couldn’t stop.  In February 2011, I was arrested for the last time for manufacturing methamphetamine.  After six weeks in jail, the judge sent me to Grace House.

The next few months, I experienced the worst anxiety and depression a human being should have to endure.  Grace House offered me a safe place to stay for an extended period of time, hundreds of hours of therapy, and they introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous.  At this time, I was willing to do whatever they told me to do and I did.  A few months later, I started to experience freedom and happiness for the first time ever.  I started to have some hope and liked the way I felt, so like with anything else, I wanted more of it! I was shown a solution to the depression and anxiety without drugs.

After a year, Grace House offered me aftercare and permanent housing.  The next few years, I learned some real responsibility and I learned how to enjoy life.  Above all, and by far the best thing that recovery has given me is a real sense of self.

I have been sober a little over four years now and my life is so different.  I just moved back to my hometown which is something I said I would never do.  I was able to make peace with my past and get reconnected with my family.  Today, due to the program, I have confidence and self-esteem.  I am able to be a good mother, daughter, and friend.  I am present and active in the lives of my children.  My boys finally have the mother they deserve.  I will always be grateful to Grace House for giving me my start!


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