Today I have confidence and self-esteem
My name is Casie and I am thirty years old. I am a manager at work, a student, and the proud mother of two little boys. I am also an addict. As far back as five years old, I struggled with anxiety and depression which caused a constant feeling of inadequacy. I felt judged by everyone, so I kept quiet. I just wanted to be normal so I pretended to be fine and always had a smile on my face.
I started drinking at twelve and was using drugs by fourteen. By sixteen, I discovered that the pills in our medicine cabinet, the same pills that destroyed my parents’ marriage, took all my pain away. My fears were finally gone. I felt normal and had no intention of stopping.
By the age of twenty, I was using needles. My relationship with my family was strained. I had become a liar, thief, and a cheater. The drugs completely consumed my life. Every time I turned around, I woke up in jail with very little recollection of how I got there. The consequences were heartbreaking and scary. I never imagined my life would turn out this way. I never wanted to hurt my family, but I couldn’t handle life without drugs. Once the drugs wore off, those things I wanted so much like love, family, and friends seemed impossible. I got married, divorced, had two children, and still couldn’t stop. In February 2011, I was arrested for the last time for manufacturing methamphetamine. After six weeks in jail, the judge sent me to Grace House.
The next few months, I experienced the worst anxiety and depression a human being should have to endure. Grace House offered me a safe place to stay for an extended period of time, hundreds of hours of therapy, and they introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous. At this time, I was willing to do whatever they told me to do and I did. A few months later, I started to experience freedom and happiness for the first time ever. I started to have some hope and liked the way I felt, so like with anything else, I wanted more of it! I was shown a solution to the depression and anxiety without drugs.
After a year, Grace House offered me aftercare and permanent housing. The next few years, I learned some real responsibility and I learned how to enjoy life. Above all, and by far the best thing that recovery has given me is a real sense of self.
I have been sober a little over four years now and my life is so different. I just moved back to my hometown which is something I said I would never do. I was able to make peace with my past and get reconnected with my family. Today, due to the program, I have confidence and self-esteem. I am able to be a good mother, daughter, and friend. I am present and active in the lives of my children. My boys finally have the mother they deserve. I will always be grateful to Grace House for giving me my start!